Lundy Bancroft once said “The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the men’s emotional abuse is what caused them the greatest harm.”
Hearing and watching reports on relationship abuse always gets me emotional. Can you imagine that in every 15 seconds, a woman is being abused somewhere in the world and 80% of those women being abused stay in abusive relationships? This piece should assist people in never feeling guilty from letting go of any abusive relationship.
I’ve noticed people tend to think abuse is only physical but emotional abuse can be as devastating as physical abuse. Injuries of emotional abuse take time to heal. Imagine being a victim of blame, shame and name calling simply because you care for someone so much? Of course, that diminishes your self-worth and emotional balance. Would you live hoping that one day your partner will change or rather leave and protect your body, self-worth and emotional balance. Abusers seldom change and so I’d take the latter. Emotional abuse happens over a period of time where one’s partners continuously controls the other creating fear.
A colleague of mine once told me her partner would continuously make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control them. This extensively affected their well-being and ultimately led to depression and some other sicknesses.
An abusive partner creates an isolated environment for you or an environment of danger or intimidation. He or she will not be comfortable in you choosing your own friends and spending time with them. They’d rather see you at home than go out or rather not interact with friends via social media. I remember when one of my friends told his wife you don’t need WhatsApp because I will be calling you. Imagine? That’s abuse and it all boils down to controlling behavior and intimidation. Coercive control definitely leads to emotional and psychological abuse of a partner. Why? Because it is characterized with threats, restrictions and physical violence.
What are some of the signs of Relationship Abuse?
-Controlling conduct in finances, dressing and friends
-Violent loss of temper
-Extreme levels of Jealous
-Public behavior different in private when with the partner
Am In an abusive relationship?
Yes, if I am scared of my partner
Yes, if I always change or go quiet when my partner is around
Yes, if I am more isolated
Yes, if I am regularly experiencing emotional numbness
Yes, if I suddenly have low self-esteem because of words from my partner
If you want to heal from abuse first is recognize its happening, know that this isn’t your cup. If you discern any of the abuse red flags in your relationship, you must be honest with yourself and take control over your own life, leave the abusive relationship, and begin the healing process.
You’re supposed to know the abuse is never your fault, you don’t deserve to be abused, you cannot change someone who is abusive and STAYING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT STOP THE ABUSE! I know we have certain cultural beliefs of how abusive tendencies can be dealt with but that has proven not to work. Leave an abusive relationship. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!!!!!!
Protect yourself from any kinds of abuse!!
By Malvin Kamuriwo (@Mal_263)